the best fanfic evar!
by baka deshi
Summary: [Complete] Part of the Friends Don't Let Friends Write Badly! Movement. A brief foray into the world of Fangirl Japanese - oh dear.
1. Speeling grammar and

Hi!!!!!! this is my fanfic but dont be to harsh on me, its a ruff draft so i didnt edit it. sorry if its short but my little brother wanted to use aim so i cant post the rest of it right now.   
  
and i really suck at sumaries but u should reed this anyway and see the PARODY ALERT.   
  
inu yasha: hey kagomae what r u doing  
kagomae: oh hi inu yasha im writing fanfic  
inu yasha: whats that and why is ur name messd up  
kagomae: my name isnt messed up osuwari  
*inu yasha hits the floor*  
inu yasha: what was that for bitch  
kagomae: don't call me bitch, you baka  
*kagomae goes and cries for a while*  
sango: hey kimi-tachi whats up  
*inu yasha points at kagomae*  
inu yasha: shes being stupid and sat me  
kagomae: im not being stupid i was riting fanfic  
*sango takes a look*  
sango: not bad, but u should probably turn ur spell check on  
kagomae: but ur from the sengoku jidai u shudnt no about spellcheck---  
*sango turns on spellcheck*  
Kagome: wow that looks better sango  
Sango: yeah, a little bit what are you writing  
Kagome: a story about us where were all high school students  
Inuyasha: what's high school  
*Miroku walks in*  
*Inuyasha blinks*  
Inuyasha: and why are all you guys here this is Kagomes time  
*Miroku sneaks a look at the fanfic*  
Miroku: not bad, but you could use some punctuation  
*Miroku shows Kagome how to use periods and question marks and exclamation points*  
Miroku: See? Now you can read what you write!   
Inuyasha (grumbling): I still don't see why we're all in "school".   
Kagome: Osuwari, you bakas!   
*Shippou enters*  
Shippou: auf Wiederschreiben! How are you volk?   
Inuyasha: What the--?  
*Inuyasha hits Shippou*  
Inuyasha: Oi! Omae! Talk normal!   
Shippou: But I am sprechen normally! You stupid blod!   
*Miroku leans over to Sango*  
Miroku: What's wrong with him?   
*Sango rolls her eyes*  
Sango: I think he got into Kagome's German dictionary again. He thinks it's cool.   
Inuyasha: Well, I don't care!!!! We don't know this germ-whatchamacallit crap! Just pick one language and stick with it!   
*Inuyasha bangs Shippou on the head*  
Shippou: OUCH! Ok, fine then… sorry (sarcastically)   
Sango (raising an eyebrow): And another thing, Kagome…about these descriptions…  
*Miroku nods*  
Miroku: Yeah, I'm running out of asterisks!   
*Miroku cannot move anymore  
Sango: Wouldn't it be better if you just wrote in paragraph style?   
Kagome (scowling): But that would take editing!   
Sango (rolls her eyes): Not really…and it's so much easier to read. C'mon, try it!   
  


Kagome types a few more words. "Like this?" 

"Yeah!" Sango beams her approval. "Present tense, past tense, doesn't matter as long as you're consistent when you write in third person. Gives you more flexibility when you're trying to describe stuff." 

"No kidding! I can finally do this!" Miroku smirks, reaching for Sango's hips. 

"And I can reply like THIS!" Sango shouts, bringing Hirakotsu down with a resounding THUMP. Once again, Miroku is unable to move. 

I think this is an excellent idea! I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier…ooh, what should I write? Oh, I know…Inuyasha can be the super-cool playboy, 'cause of those sexy ears—no, scratch that, he should be the outcast, 'cause he has golden eyes. Oh, better yet—I could be the captain of the drama club and we could put on Romeo and Juliet, and then there'll be a kissing scene! 

"Um, Kagome?" Sango interjects. "I, uh, don't mean to be a pain or anything, but we can kind of see your thoughts out loud here." 

"Ack!" Kagome eeps, turning bright red. "I-I didn't mean to, just a little slip, I mean…" 

"She thinks my ears are sexy?" Inuyasha grins stupidly. "I never knew…" His eyes cloud suddenly, and his thoughts are lost to all for the next several minutes. 

"Hey…" Shippou scowls, poking the drooling hanyou. "No use…he's lost it!" 

Miroku shakes his head. "Don't worry about him…I'm sure we don't care to know." Inuyasha continues muttering something vaguely disturbing about pork chops and sexy ears. "Anyways, Kagome…" Miroku continues, flashing his very best "I-am-competent-at-everything-I-do(so-why-don't-you-do-it-with-me)" smile, "you might want to watch what point of view you're writing from." 

"Yeah!" Sango agrees, keeping one watchful eye trained on Miroku as she leans toward Kagome's keyboard. "You can't just switch from first person to third person that fast, it makes the fic really hard to read." 

"So…" Kagome pauses, trying to digest the information. "I should try not to jump around too much?" 

"Yes, if you can!" Miroku adds, looking self-important. Sango sighs, but did not interrupt. "And ewe should always take care to edit your fanfic—spellcheckers don't always work so well." 

Sango grins and pokes him good-naturedly. "Oh? Why don't 'ewe' do your own editing then…?" 

"Hey! I'll have you know that—" the two begin bickering pleasantly, and Kagome turns her attention back to her keyboard. 

"Well…so I guess we can actually start writing the fanfic now, right?" the girl grins hopefully. Inuyasha scowls and turns up his nose. 

"I still wanna know why I gotta go to this 'Hi Skool'. Sounds stupid." 

Inuyasha crashes to the floor, courtesy of everyone's favorite rosary, and Kagome begins to write.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
In conclusion, Friends Don't Let Friends write bad fanfic. 

A public service announcement brought to you by annoyed anti-spamfic authors. 


	2. Fangirl Nihongo

Author's Note:  
Yes, this is all in jest. Yes, this is a bit mean. But hey – that's what I'm here for ^_^ If you want real fic, check my profile. (And if you like my satire about bad fanfic, check "Lemon-aid" or "Can't stop the love (but I want to get off)" – those are both real stories, and much better than this little rant-fic. There: shameless plug over ^_~)   
  


* * *

"So how's it going, Kagome?" Sango asked, peering at her friend's computer screen. 

"Not bad!" the schoolgirl responded cheerfully, tapping out the end of a sentence on her keyboard. "You wanna see?" 

"Sure!" Sango grinned, ignoring the ruckus behind her. Inuyasha was still fighting with Miroku and Shippou, trying to figure out how they'd all gotten into Kagome's room in the first place. 

"Ok, here goes…" Kagome breathed.   
  


* * *

  


"One hi, a kawaii ningen musume named Kagome aruku by the ido near her family's jinja. She was trying to iku gakkou as hayaku as possible, because she was a good little gakusei and always suru her renshuu. Suddenly, she saw that the ido door was aku. 

"Aneue!" her baka otouto-sama cried. "I can't find our neko!" 

"Mou…not again!" Kagome osuwari on the steps. "Just go get him!" 

Souta was scared, and kare began to cry. "But nee-sama…" 

"No more naku! I'll just have to do it!" Kagome scowled. "You are muyo!" 

Kagome walked purposefully down the kaidan and looked for the neko. "Buyo! Kuru o koko! Ima! Honki!" she called. Suddenly, she heard a loud oto, and a centipede youkai tatakau her. 

"Dare o tasukete desu! Watashi wa kowaii!" Kagome screamed, falling into the ido.   
  


* * *

  


"Well?" Kagome asked, beaming. Sango did not look impressed. 

"Umm…Kagome?" she began. "I honestly don't know what this is. I can't read those foreign words." 

"What?" the schoolgirl asked with a sweat-drop. "But I put a glossary down at the bottom!" 

"But that doesn't help me _now_!" Sango sighed. "How am I supposed to understand while I'm reading if all the definitions are at the end?" 

"You could always go look at it!" Kagome sulked. 

"What, while I'm reading? That would take forever!" 

"Here, let me look at it!" Miroku interjected smoothly, stepping between the two girls. He leaned over to examine the screen. 

"Got some free paper?" he asked absently. She vaguely waved toward her school notebook, still 'discussing' things with Sango. Miroku began scribbling. 

"Ok, try this!" he beckoned, handing a page to Kagome. Sango peered over her shoulder, and they both began to read it out loud:   
  


* * *

  


"One day, cute a human a girl named Kagome walk by the well near family's Shinto shrine. She was trying to school go as early/fast as possible, because she was a good little student and always do her practice. Suddenly, she saw that the well door was opens. 

"[Archaic] Big sister!" her high and mighty little brother stupid cried. "I can't find our cat!" 

"Aw man…not again!" Kagome Sit! on the steps. "Just go get him!" 

Souta was scared, and he [indicating boyfriend] began to cry. "But my honorable and powerful big sister…" 

"No more cry! I'll just have to do it!" Kagome scowled. "You are unnecessary!" 

Kagome walked purposefully down the stair and looked for the cat. "Buyo! Here coming now must! Serious I!" she called. Suddenly, she heard a loud sound, and a centipede demon fight her. 

"Save someone is! I am scary!" Kagome screamed, falling into the well.   


* * *

  


"…oh dear." Kagome whimpered. 

"See?" Sango demanded. "It doesn't make any sense!" 

"Well, I thought it was good…" Inuyasha commented lamely. 

"How am I ever gonna fix this?" Kagome wailed. 

Shippou jumped onto her computer table and surveyed the original. "Well, not all the words were bad..." he noted. "You could keep 'youkai' – that's kinda hard to translate anyways." He crossed his arms and glared at Miroku. "We 'demons' aren't all so bad!!" 

"And addresses…" Sango noted. "As long as you use them right. You wouldn't want to call Naraku 'Naraku-chan'." She shuddered. "That would be really freaky." 

Inuyasha huffed angrily. "I think we should just call him 'that baboon bastard', or that fu—" He was mercifully censored by Miroku's helpful elbow. 

"Anyways, for the most part, I don't think you should use any words you can easily translate." Miroku continued gently, turning back to Kagome. "Most people really don't know what they are." 

"Ok…" Kagome sniffled. "I just have one question…" 

"Yes?" 

"When did you guys learn English?" 

"Eh hehehehe…"   
  


* * *

  


There! End of rant. I hope I got my point across – I would have rather used kanji to show how illegible unnecessary Japanese can make fanfics, but that will show up as gibberish in most people's browsers. Although, maybe that's the point… 

**Moral of the story:** if you can write it in English, please do. And if you doubt your accuracy for titles/addresses, please ask for help. It gives everyone else a headache to see three million unnecessary terms…especially if they are misused. 


End file.
